Blogging is an amazing and interesting thing. When used as a public diary, it basically says, “I want everyone to know about me. I have nothing to hide.” When used as it was originally intended, say for uploading updates on a trip for friends to see back home, it says, “Look at me… wish you were here.” Then there’s that other thing. The random thoughts and commentary on anything from current events to the heavyweight title match between the voices in one’s head. This is the way a blog is used in majority. This is what I’m doing.
When one has a blog based on opinion and commentary, it casts doubt on ones self when they say “In my humble opinion.” As a matter of fact, it renders the phrase meaningless. That’s because it takes a certain amount of arrogance to post in a blog of this nature. It lets everyone who views it know that you believe that everyone is entitled to your opinion, and you intend to give it to them. But that’s just my humble opinion.
So why do I blog? Because I need an outlet. I started a blog about eight years ago based on political right wing commentary. I figured that I needed a place to dump my rantings and ravings on the lunatic fringe of society. I had so much pent up rage, confusion, and fed-upedness, and my wife was sick of listening to me spew on a daily basis. So when I discovered blogs, I set about getting one and started in.
Right off the bat, I got tied in with some pretty heavy hitters. My blogroll was pretty big in no time flat, and my blog was added to many blogrolls in pretty short order. I was averaging five or six posts a night. I had something to say, and by dammit, I was saying it. I joined causes, got involved in dialogues with big mucky-mucks, argued with attorneys, got into email arguments with syndicated talk show hosts who said they were conservative, but really were just compromising moderates. This was the platform I was looking for. It rocked.
Then it came. I’m talking about the brick wall. See, blogging in some arenas is a lot like a free fall in a wing suit. You get the rush. You can maneuver here and there, but the speed rush is still there. It’s intense. It gets in your blood and kicks you right square in the adrenal glands. But like any free fall, there’s that sudden stop at the end. I found it. It involved the Terry Schiavo case. That took a lot out of me. I can’t even begin to explain what transpired in the blogosphere over that whole fiasco. But when all was said and done, I had nothing left to give. I would start a post, and wound up feeling like I just stepped in quicksand. So I gave it up.
I tried to get into blogs a few times, only to give up within a month or so. I didn’t want to spend the time and effort for one. But I recently figured out what the actual main reason was for not being able to get into it. I kept putting myself into a box.
I have tried blogs solely based on politics. I have tried blogs based solely on faith. The problem is, if you allow yourself to be painted into a corner, eventually you start to feel the weight (a lot of times it’s self imposed) of expectation on your shoulders. I, myself, have a rebellious nature. I can’t stand doing anything if I get it into my head that I HAVE to do it. This is a problem I run into in my faith. If it is something I have to do, I don’t enjoy it and therefore, I avoid it like the plague. It’s all a matter of convincing myself that it isn’t as serious as I make it out to be.
I have reached this point with the blogging. Since I always find myself wanting to put my thoughts to monitor, I decided that the whole categorical box thing is a waste. So now, I post whatever I want. Whether it be political, spiritual, or mentally unstable, here it is.
One other aspect that makes blogging both difficult and a bad idea at the same time, is realizing that coming home at the end of the day and going straight to the computer until it’s time for bed can be hard on the family relations. If one lets themselves get too caught up in the hypnotic world of the internet (it is a web indeed, and we are but flies) it is easy to ignore the more important people in your life due to what can potentially become an addiction.
Now that my kids have moved out and on with their lives and my wife is working the evening shift , this makes perfect sense to sit down and let the creative juices flow three or four days a week without alienating the real world around me. The new arrangement works just fine.
I still have a lot to say, and I mean to say it. After all, and in my humble opinion, everybody is entitled to my opinion, and so they shall have it.